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Life, especially in our industry, is throwing us some curve balls, and it’s easy to get caught up in the negative commentary that surrounds us.
With the relentless demands of “business as usual”, it’s all too common to feel overwhelmed by the difficulties that come our way. From looming work deadlines to personal conflicts, we often find ourselves reacting to these situations with stress, anxiety and frustration, perhaps even believing that they are all connected, and the world is conspiring against us. However, there is a powerful antidote to this cycle of negativity: acceptance.
Understanding acceptance
Let me be very clear – acceptance doesn’t mean resigning ourselves to a defeatist attitude or passively enduring hardships. Instead, at its core, acceptance is about making a proactive decision to respond to life’s challenges with equanimity and a neutral mind. It’s about acknowledging reality as it is, without judgement or resistance, and embracing the present moment, regardless of whether it aligns with our desires or expectations.
When we have an expectation of how things should be, but circumstances don’t deliver on this, we can experience discomfort and stress from our resistance to the reality of the situation. No matter how angry, sad, or frustrated we get, or how much we wish things were different, the reality remains unchanged. It is what it is, despite our emotional protests. Yet, if we proactively choose to respond with acceptance, the quicker we can gain a clearer picture of the actual situation and respond appropriately.
The psychology of acceptance
Psychology offers valuable insights into the benefits of practising acceptance in our daily lives. Research in the field of positive psychology suggests that individuals who cultivate acceptance tend to experience greater levels of wellbeing and resilience. By seeing difficult situations as they are and reframing them as opportunities for growth and learning, rather than insurmountable obstacles, we can reduce stress and build mental fitness.
Furthermore, our brains are constantly receiving raw information and feedback from the environment via our five senses. It then interprets this data by connecting it to something we have experienced before (a memory). Sometimes this connection, although similar, may have completely different context surrounding it, and our initial reaction may be inappropriate.
Acceptance in action
For example, a client may question you on your fees. This line of questioning triggers a memory from when another client asked you the same thing and then went on to demand a discount, making you feel undervalued and uncomfortable. Your initial response to this current situation causes you to tense up and feel undervalued again, shattering your confidence. Yet this current client is merely clarifying costs and is in no way questioning your worth or value. By accepting each situation on its own merits and allowing those initial feelings to pass, we can respond more appropriately and skilfully to each situation.
Evidence-based approaches
One evidence-based approach that aligns closely with the concept of acceptance is acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). ACT encourages individuals to accept their thoughts and feelings without judgement, letting them go without grasping onto them, while also committing to actions that align with their values and goals, rather than memories. Studies have shown that ACT can be effective in treating a wide range of psychological issues, including anxiety, depression and stress.
Buddhist philosophy and acceptance
The concept of acceptance has deep roots in Buddhist philosophy, particularly in the teachings of mindfulness and non-attachment. According to Buddhist principles, suffering arises from our resistance to the present moment and our attachment to desires and expectations. By cultivating mindfulness and letting go of attachments, we can find peace and reduce unnecessary stress in our lives.
Practical strategies for cultivating acceptance
Here are three things you can start doing today to help build your mental fitness and to develop the skill of acceptance in your life:
1. Practise mindfulness meditation daily (start with 5 minutes and build from there) to develop awareness of your thoughts and emotions without getting caught up in them.
2. Challenge negative beliefs and judgements as they arise by questioning their validity and considering alternative perspectives.
3. Cultivate gratitude for the present moment and the opportunities it presents for growth, even amid challenges.
Acceptance in summary
Don’t believe every negative thing you think. Refrain from instantaneous reacting to every situation, especially to the initial emotions you feel, for they may not be appropriate or relevant. Instead, allow time for those initial feelings to pass. Then treat every situation on its own merits and for what it is, without the mind filters of memories. In every moment, we can be practising acceptance and using it as a powerful tool for building mental fitness and resilience.
Embrace the present moment with openness and equanimity, so we can free ourselves from the grip of stress created by irrelevant negative emotions.
Shane Kempton is CEO of Harcourts Western Australia.
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